Let's talk about sex. Actually, more importantly, let's talk about good sex. For good sex, which makes everyone feel completely safe and 100 percent satisfied. Now, unfortunately, despite how much almost every porn, sex show, and erotic movie portrays female arousal, good sex for a woman isn't usually a few kisses followed by a few minutes of penetration. Sorry, Hollywood! 🙂
Because we're all different—from our anatomy to our sexual interests—there's no single trick that will make everyone completely lose their mind in bed 100 percent of the time, which is why it's so essential to learn a wide variety of pleasure tips in the woman. Sex educator and pleasure coach Seshata Rose explains, "One size doesn't work for clothes, and it certainly doesn't work for female pleasure either," she explains. "Satisfaction cannot be standardized."
While yes, there are many ways to please a woman, the most important thing is to "be open and receptive to feedback" before diving under the covers with a new sex toy or oral sex technique. It can be hard *not* to feel hurt when you get sex-related advice, but you need to put your ego aside if you're looking for pleasure.
So, simply talk to your partner about what they like – and if you're with a partner you've been with for years, keep talking. That's because sexual preferences change, and what might turn someone on now might not appeal to them a year from now. We are always evolving and changing, everyone!
As you experiment and explore together, there are some general female-focused pleasure tips to keep in mind. While these 25 suggestions are aimed at people with vaginas, many of them are pretty universal, which means you should definitely take notes.
From changing the sheets to setting the mood, here are the top tips recommended by female pleasure experts that will bring you a little closer to sex god status.
1. Delay penetration.
One of the first and most important ways to please your vaginal partner is to focus less on penetration because sometimes external intercourse is just as important as intercourse. When sex is focused on penetration and male orgasm, it takes away from being more focused on pleasure. Instead of rushing into penetration, try to take your time or skip penetration altogether for a change. There are many different types of sex you can try, and some of them may be more pleasurable for your partner.
2. Create a satisfaction map.
Pleasure mapping is real business and yes, wealth is truly orgasmic. Basically, pleasure mapping is a way to find out what feels good on one's body. To do this, explore the primary and secondary erogenous zones while performing a sensual massage, using textures (for example, rose petals, feathers, fur, leather fringes) or playing with the temperature (i.e. ice or wax).
As you slowly move up your partner's body, your partner can rate how much pleasure they feel on a scale of 1-5. This will give you an idea of the areas they like to touch and the areas they prefer you stay away from. There's no point in wasting time kissing their neck when they prefer bites on the shoulder, right?
3. Watch your partner masturbate.
There is literally no better way to please your partner than watching them please themselves. This is especially true for people with vaginas because it is not uncommon for those with a vulva to orgasm alone, but never with a partner. Our advice is to pay attention to how your partner touches himself. Pay close attention to the type of touch, pressure and speed they gravitate towards. "They know their bodies best, so learn from the source."
4. Rub the clitoris
If we had to pick a single secret move to please someone with a vagina, it's to take care of the clitoris. Because close to 90 percent of people with a vagina need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. The clitoris is the one pleasure organ you absolutely do not want to miss. Play by applying light and firm pressure. Start with slow movements and gradually increase the pace. If their breathing quickens or their clitoris stiffens, you're on the right track!”
5. Increase intimacy.
There's a lot more to intimacy than just sex, and the more you build it *outside* of the bedroom, the better your relationship and intimacy will be *in* the bedroom. Spending quality time together, having deep conversations and engaging in non-sexual touch are some easy ways to strengthen your relationship.
We can also suggest you have tantric sex, which is a slower, more meditative style that emphasizes intimacy and the overall sexual experience. People who practice tantric sex often report having multiple and/or more intense orgasms.
6. Play mood music.
Songs make everything seem more spectacular, and sex is no exception. However, before you just play your playlist on shuffle, you might want to prepare a playlist for sex. If you have a hard time choosing music on your own, make it a joint activity! It is unlikely that, for example, folk music will lift your mood. Unless, of course, that's your vibe. 🙂 But a nice playlist with music from Enigma or The Weekend would be great.
7. Apply absolutely ZERO pressure.
Seriously, none. "If [they're] struggling to orgasm, pressure—even subtle pressure like asking, 'Are you close?'—can turn them off." Before moving from one type of sex to another (like oral to penetration), asking and making sure your partner is ready for it and even wants to do it is basically bedroom etiquette.
8. Go slow
Fast and wild is sometimes ideal, but for the most part, slow and steady wins the race. Get to the point where they are begging for more. Start with non-genital contact and work your way up slowly. The vagina is relaxed in this way. Experiment with different speeds and touch pressures. Also, if you really don't want to create a burn, we suggest literally giving your vagina a massage to really heat things up. In this case, lubricant will not be out of place.
9. Use some toys.
Sex toys are great for changing things up, inspiring fantasies and giving extra stimulation. There are a ton of options on the market, from sex toys that simulate oral sex to penis ringsand even sex toys that work on apps. Play around with a few to see what your partner likes.
10. Take your time and pay attention.
It may seem like an obvious "ghost," but you'd be surprised how quickly things can move in the moment. For sex of any kind, choose to take the scenic route instead of the shortcut. Start at the top of your head and work your way down to your toes. Women really do need 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm, so having a patient partner helps us experience sexual fulfillment.
11. Be selfless.
The only thing hotter than feeling prioritized is literally the sun itself. Most people want a partner who puts their needs first and makes their pleasure a priority. The great thing about being a selfless lover is that your partner will want to reciprocate. (Which seems like a win-win situation here.)
12. Provide a safe space without judgment.
Sex is not always perfect – unexpected things happen like cramps, periods, discomfort, gagging and much more, say clinical sexologists. They are all fairly common and may seem embarrassing, but women want to feel safe during sex and know that whatever happens is okay and without judgment. Also, these are the things you can absolutely laugh about and move on, right?
13. Don't be afraid of new things.
Look, nobody wants to have sex in one position all night. Novelty is what excites the brain, whether it's through a new sex pose, toy or outfit. Sexologists suggest playing more games, experimenting with different sex positions, having sex in different places in the home and/or using a toy. The reason?! Making the same moves and having sex in the same positions or in the same place becomes everyday for women who are in long-term partnerships or if they have sex with the same person repeatedly.
14. Oral sex with enthusiasm.
You know how some men love to have their penis "sucked" so much that tears literally flow? Those who have a vagina love it too! No, you shouldn't choke, but passionate enthusiasm never hurt anyone. Let your partner know that you want feedback. Ask her repeatedly if she feels good and if there is anything you can do to make it even better. If you don't know what you're doing or you're not very confident in your technique, learn. This is the information age – there are a lot of resources.
15. Hugging.
Sometimes you want to be cuddled in the familiar spoon shape, sometimes you want to stay on opposite sides of the bed. While these preferences can vary not only from person to person, but in any situation, it's best to check with your partner and see what's going on. Just a simple "Can I hug you?" or something to that effect works here.
16. Keep an open mind.
Maybe your partner wants input toys in combination or to try something different in bed. It's hard to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable when you're naked is even harder. While you should never do or try anything you don't want to, the key is to be a partner you can trust and feel safe with. Just listening without judgment and being willing to step out of your comfort zone will go a long way.
17. Have lots of vocal enthusiasm.
There is nothing hotter than a partner who is just pumped to be with you and can't stop talking about how hot you think you are or how much you turn him on. Get loud and show it. Tell your partner how much you love him, how attracted you are, and that you can't stop thinking about him.
18. Use protection.
Don't make this awkward situation when you're trying to have quick sex to do it without protection. It's awkward, unnecessary, and will set the stage for a not-so-sexy scenario. Not only that the condoms they help protect against pregnancy and STIs, but they also facilitate cleaning some of them (like ribs) actually make sex feel better. Plus, peace of mind can help vaginal wearers relax, which equates to better sex overall. Honestly, it doesn't matter what kind of sex you have – oral, anal, vaginal, manual – just use a condom!
19. Prioritize your partner's orgasm.
Despite what the media often portrays, sex doesn't have to end with a man's orgasm – especially if their partner hasn't experienced it yet. It doesn't matter what your gender is, this is a universal must. Unless otherwise discussed: If you know you will be too exhausted after your orgasm, make sure your partner experiences their orgasm beforehand. It is not quantum physics. If you know, for sure, that you're going to get yours, wouldn't you want your partner to enjoy it too?
20. Communicate before, during and after.
There's a time and a place for wordless sex, but it's also nice to have a partner who asks you if you're into something or if you want it another way. You don't get extra points if you reach the destination without asking for directions. Talk about what you like before sex, during sex, and after sex to make it better for everyone.
21. Keep your bed clean.
It's really, really hard to let go and enjoy yourself if you feel like your bodies are getting dirty past any sedimentary layers of sweat, grime, and attachments from the past. If you know someone is coming for a sexy time, wash your sheets. If you haven't gotten a chance to wash the sheets, move the party somewhere else like the couch or the shower. It's just common courtesy!
22. Have a spare phone charger.
Maybe your partner should call a taxi afterwards. Maybe they told their friends that they would send them their location every 30 minutes. Maybe they just want a charged phone to send bedtime pictures to their group chat. Whatever it is, having a phone charger on hand will make your partner feel comfortable, safe and cared for in a similar way.
23. Include lots of foreplay.
Sex is not a race to the finish line, and the power of foreplay cannot be overstated. Since the vagina takes some time to warm up, you can take your time and pull things out and enjoy yourself. A little patience will take you a long, long way. Besides, if orgasm were the only thing that mattered about sex, almost everyone with a vagina would be having fun with a USB port charging their vibrators.
24. Remove your socks.
We would like to ask you one thing, and that is to remove your socks before sex. It's so weird to see someone like, completely naked but still wearing socks it can really take you out of the moment. Plus, then your partner will come up with a weird thing like, "Should I have left my socks on?" "Don't they like feet?" “Do they think my feet are ugly?!” and they'll sink into a hole of foot-based anxiety, which is no place anyone wants to be.
25. Have realistic expectations.
Porn sex is cool and all, but sex in real life is not. It's completely unrealistic to expect your partner to act the way your favorite adult stars do – or engage in the kind of sex you want to watch on your phone/computer when you masturbate. Not only won't it happen, but it won't make your partner feel any closer to pleasure. Concentrate more on connecting with the person and the moment in trying to replace something you saw in a fantasy created for the male gaze. Trust us, it's better – and hotter – for everyone involved.